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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
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Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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i saw katie today. i havent smiled that wide in forever it seems :)
10-4 <3 Blake
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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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i need to go to sleep soon, because i know i will regret staying up later than 9 when i have to get up at 545 in the morning. dammit.
10-4 <3 Blake
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Friday, August 20th, 2004
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20th (Friday) Orlando at Discovery Church - BATTLE OF THE BANDS! w/There For Tomorrow, Killing Kupid, Pleasure To Burn, Easy Core, The Amateurs, and London is Tonight. Free with student ID,$2 otherwise.6PM
KIDS VOTES COUNT! FIRST PLACE IS $1000!!! COME AND SUPPORT AND VOTE!
Discovery Church is located at
4400 South Orange Ave.
Orlando, Florida 32806
It is on the corner of Orange and Holden
please come out and support and put in your vote! it would soooo greatly appreciated. this would help in soooo many ways
10-4 <3 Blake
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Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
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20th (Friday) Orlando at Discovery Church - BATTLE OF THE BANDS! w/There For Tomorrow, Killing Kupid, Pleasure To Burn, Easy Core, The Amateurs, and London is Tonight. Free with student ID,$2 otherwise. KIDS VOTES COUNT! FIRST PLACE IS $1000!!! COME AND SUPPORT AND VOTE!
Discovery Church is located at
4400 South Orange Ave.
Orlando, Florida 32806
It is on the corner of Orange and Holden
please come out and support and put in your vote! it would soooo greatly appreciated. this would help in soooo many ways
10-4 <3 Blake
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| Time: | 2:00 pm. |
| Mood: | busy. | | Music: | matt pond pa. |
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fuckkkk
ok i want to go to blacklisted tomorrow. 9$
i want to go to just for the fuck of it fest. 12$
i need to buy 2 tickets for converge. 20$
all of this = 41$
i have a grand total of 7$ in my pocket. FUCK. well steve owes me 15$ but still, fuckkk. i hate this, i need money.
i need rides to this shit too. if anyone wants to help with that, thatd be awesome. ill be able to drive to converge in october though. atleast thats one positive thing.
other than that im fucked. not cool
it seems that things are begining to simmer down and become better with mine and katies situation. thank godddd. i miss that girl. we talked alot on the phone yesterday, that made me happy. i havent heard her voice for that long in a while. i miss that kinda stuff
gotta stop messing around and work. later
10-4 <3 Blake
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thanks for the prank calls. that makes you cool.
isntead of being a friend and actually caring about whats going on, you make a joke about it.
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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it looks like i wont be going to the horse show tonight. i never have rides and ozone is so far from my house. i wish austin was back in town, hed always be down to give me a ride. hes the best friend i have definately.
for the past week i have had some wierd feeling in my throat. like something is stuck in there. and i am begining to think there actually is. i remember my dermitologist saying that if i didnt swallow my pill everynight with enough water i could have some kinda esophogus corosion or erosion, some word like that. uh, kinda scary, and im begining to think thats it because when i was in tampa i remember one night that i didnt drink enough water when i took a pill and it felt wierd goin down my throat. well fucking great if that is the case. i mean what the hell is going to happen? surgery? some tube stickin outa my throat? death? GREAT!
it hurts when i eat and swallow, it fucking sucks. god dammit.
well around 4 i should recieve a call from katie. thats definately something to look foward to today. i cant wait. my parents are probably begining to wonder why i havent been talking or seeing katie lately. i guess i'll tell my dad tonight, or tomorrow. soon though, they'll find out soon enough. i am not looking foward to it either.
i need to catch up on summer reading. i think ill do that soon, after i try to force down some food. see ya fellas
10-4 <3 Blake
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this will probably be my last entry for a while. i kind of over did it for today. you know what, i really hope katie and i get alot of classes together. and lunch together. since its looking like i wont see her till school. cooool. not.
so maybe i will give a little update on what ive been up to the past week. last monday was very kick ass. tuesday started out fine, then all the shit happened. katie left wednesday to the beach with her mom n such. i basically sat at home waitng for a call or something most of the time. i didnt feel in the mood for much. then firday i left for vacation. busch gardens has good roller coasters. gzazi was really neat. i bought a pair of diesel jeans while i was there too. came back sunday night. missed the caliban show, really wanted to go to that. and then here it is monday. a new week. a shitty week. like the next 3 will be. graaand.
i watched the jazz channel on tv earlier. i really enjoy jazz. its so soothing, and the musicianship is brilliant. it was the first time i had ever seen a skinny black man playing a violin in jazz, and then plucking the strings with his fingers like a guitar. it was quite inovative.
i picked up my acoustic guitar not too long ago. i enjoy playing it. i really get into it when im playing music. such a nerd, but whatever. plus with all these [sarcasm] great [/sarcasm] emotions right now seem to add a little more flair to the music. i wish i could sing better. i need to work on that. i think it would be wonderful if i could record songs onto my computer. and instead of them being a joke like the blake and the himselves, i will actually be serious about it. maybe even add drums and everything. i always think of neat riffs and what not in my head while im drumming. im not so good at getting things to my fingers, so i gotta work on that.
anyways, music is great.
i have a bad pain in my chest everytime i swallow. what the hell is going on with me. blllah. i dont enjoy today at all. hopefully tomorrow will be a little better. like instead of sitting at home the whole time, i actually leave the house! what fun. poop.
10-4 :( blake
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so i was going to go out tonight. see napoleon dynamite with zack and dallas, but plans fell through. i have no rides
i guess we'll be going tomorrow night to see it now
and i guess the rest of the night will consist of waiting for miracles and watching tv.
10-4 :( Blake
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i just got off the phone with katie.
it was the best thing to happen to me in a while.
i actually laughed and smiled.
it will be a long time before all of this is back together again.
i most likely wont see katie until school starts. and only be able to talk with her a few times before then.
but i will try to savor that 25 minute phone conversation for as long as i can, it makes me smile. not think about how hard this will be, but think about how good that conversation was.
i miss her.
if anyone wants to hang out tonight, itd be awesome. i need something to do
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| Subject: | dead |
| Time: | 2:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | shai hulud. |
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how i wish it was:
-wake up with a smile
-give katie a call, make plans
-shower
-eat
-get dressed to go out with katie
-arrive at her house
-hugs and kisses
-laughing
-smiles
-wishing the night would never end
how it really is:
-woke up feeling dead
-layed in bed for 3 hours
-gave katie a call, she picks up and says shes not allowed to talk
-work out
-feeling dead
-wishing the day would end
i wish this past week was just a dream. it kills me to think if everything was normal again. and no, were not breaking up or anything stupid like that. we got in trouble, shes grounded, blah blah. its really really bad. i havent talked to her in a week. every day and night gets harder and harder. i dont know when i'll see or talk to her again. for all i know, it wont be until the school year again. that thought makes me sick to my stomach.
i try to find something to do every second to occupy my time. ive been working out alot lately. it really helps blow steam off. being so angry and frustrated makes me work a lot harder. i should read my summer reading book, but i dont feel like doing too much. plus, it reminds me of katie and i reading the books and making fun. i wish i could drive. i have no rides anywhere to do anything. it would be good to go out and hang out with friends. but i live "too far" for anyone to come pick me up to do anything. so i just sit at home, work out, watch tv, and eat. i cant wait for this day to be over. i cant wait for this whole ball of shit is done with. but its probably only the begining. i dont know what will happen when my dad finds out, but i am actually looking foward to the moment that he does. that means its one step closer to this whole thing to be over. alright, enough pouring out everything. im done, bye
10-4 :( Blake
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today was too bad ass for words
lets break it down
me + katie + hardrock hotel swimming pool + ice cream + wah = perfect
10-4 <3 Blake
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Saturday, July 10th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:54 am. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | converge. |
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this is my life
i wouldnt change it for the world
katie hang out all day tomorrow. havent seen her in a week, im really excited
10-4 <3 Blake
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| Subject: | blllah |
| Time: | 3:10 am. |
| Mood: |  bored. | | Music: | converge - you fail me. |
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soo i cant fall asleep tonight. so i decide to draw
these are ideas for t shirts or whatever i guess. they are just rough drawings, enough to get the idea.
the clock in this one represents doomsday. i was watching a tv program on the doomsday clock, which is "7 minutes till midnight". and the cracks in the heart represent a heart breaking. and the hands are letting go of the heart, basically meaning when the significant other is just dropping your heart - its breaking, and your personal doomsday is about to happen. this design would go good if it were in color and on a black shirt im guessing.
this is a more simple design. pretty self explainatory. its of some person sitting on a rock alone skipping rocks. its one of those things you do/would do if you need time alone or to think etc. i guess it kind of goes along with the the whole idea of "another broken promise" in that the person maybe had a promise broken or whatever. they are sad, they go sit on a rock alone and skip rocks. itd look cool if this design were along the bottom of a shirt i think. maybe on a tan shirt too.
im not that great of a drawer, so give me some slack. and the pictures are taken on a web cam, my degital camera is over at evans. but give me some feedback, id enjoy it.
10-4 <3 Blake
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| Time: | 11:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  anxious. | | Music: | guns n roses. |
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KATIE COMES HOME TOMORROW YESSSS!
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
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| Time: | 9:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | there were wires. |
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well today kinda sucked.
how blockbuster doesnt have In Gods Hands. one of the best surf movies ever.
how bored i was.
how there are no more cokes in the fridge.
how the rocket summer is tomorrow and i dont think i have money.
how i need to get my converge ticket but i dont have money.
and, how i gotta pay garage bills for the past 2 months. grand, i really need money.
how i was sick.
how my mom and brother came home.
how i found out i'm going to have to do my vocals over again.
but,
cute texts from my girlfriend make me feel better. i hope i can talk to her on the phone later, i need the cheering up.
blake <3 10-4
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today loves men.
i feel sick. if i walk more than 5 feet i nearly vomit.
and other shit is gay too. but its nothing new
bye
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lets see, today has been pretty chill.
listening to saves the day and drinking lemonade.
when to church with my dad, looked at cars. i am lookin at this boy
the car i'll probably get
umm my fingers are finally starting to calous from playing my acoustic. i havent picked up this thing in months. im havin fun. i always need to play some music, this month with no band sucks
uhh, nothin really to post about. i hope katies having a good time in louisiana, haha i hear shes going to see zebra tonight. i havent talked to her today, so i miss the girl a bunch.
tonight im going over to dallas' and were going to have k-ci and jo jo singalongs along with zackarus. and were going to light fireworks and get in trouble n shit. not good, but o well, im wearing all black tonight.
c u gUyZ l83rZ!@#$(*!#$
10-4 <3 Blake
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deceasedfire's journal
tired.
worried.
melancholy.
gloomy.
discontent.
happy.